Monday, February 13, 2012

Goodbye My Lover

Breaking up is hard to do.

I remember the days when I used to break up with my junior high school boyfriends via notes in class. Then it evolved to text messages and voice mails (yes I've done that, don't judge). Now, breaking up with someone can be even more fun! With a ton of social networking sites, there are endless possibilities to tell your lover "we are no longer dating".

Facebook. The easiest of the relationship ender - a click of a button and Shari has gone from "in a relationship" to "single" without having to say a word to the poor guy. And now with FB integration, you can declare singledom in multiple ways. You can "read" an article about how to find Mr. Right. You can mupload a picture of GIRLS NIGHT OUT where you and some rando you found at the bar are making out. AND you can tell everyone: Shari listened to the spotify playlist "Ridin Solo" (yes I have this playlist IRL, it's genius.)

Twitter. Oh so many tweeting opportunities... some examples below.
  • hey @boyorgirlimdating - it's not you, it's me #sorryimnotsorry
  • HMU me and @mynewex are over. #movingon #callme
  • newly singly and nowhere to go tonight #singlegirlproblems
  • @lyingdouchebag i found out you cheated on me and i can't believe you thought you'd never get caught. i thought you were different. i thought what we had was real. you're an asshole and i hate your guts and i want the whole twitterverse to know #getoutofmylife
ok well that last one is over the 140 limit but you get my drift..

Google+. Abraham Manichevitz is now in your circle "exes". Allowed access to view only your pictures. Done.

Pinterest. This would be great if you and your significant other allowed each other access to post on each other's boards. For example, Shari & Josh's Love Board - full of pictures of puppies, home decor, cute love sayings, and a complete vom fest. Wanna end it? Start pinning things like "Keep Calm and Break Up" with caption "sorry babe, not working for me anymore". Or maybe pin a picture of the diamond bracelet he bought you with caption "come pick this up later with a box of all your other shit". OR if you're a guy, pin a picture of yourself with a huge grin saying "finally happy because I realized I no longer want your nagging ass in my life. later bitch". Pinning possibilities are endless.

Foursquare. Check into a bar. Declare you've met your soul mate on the dance floor. When your sig. other comments on your check-in telling you to stop drinking and come home you respond with "hell no. and never call me again". Clearly, the classiest route to a break-up.

Youtube. Make one of those "Shit Single Girls Say" Videos but with a personalized twist. Pretty much use it as a way to vent about all the things you hated about your soon-to-be-ex. Make it go viral by sharing it with all 800 of your facebook friends, post it on your blog, and tweet it to the world. You better believe him and all his friends and family will see your video and you will be single and ready to mingle. Be prepared for lots of controversial comments in that comment box.

What social networks did I miss? How would you use social media to break up with your significant other? Comment below!

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